There are two skills that will help shape a positive environment for communication in your relationship: assertiveness and active listening.
Let’s firstly talk about assertiveness. Assertiveness is expressing your feelings and asking for what you want in the relationship.
Assertiveness is a valuable communication skill. In successful couples, both individuals tend to be quite assertive. Rather than assuming their partner can read their minds, they share how they feel and ask clearly and directly for what they want.
Assertive individuals take responsibility for their messages by using “I” statements. They avoid statements beginning with “you.” In making constructive requests, they are positive and respectful in their communication. They use polite phrases such as “please” and “thank you”.
Examples of Assertive Statements:
“I’m feeling out of balance. While I love spending time with you, I also want to spend time with my friends. I would like us to find some time to talk about this.”
“I want to take a ski vacation next winter, but I know you like to go to the beach. I’m feeling confused about what choice we should make.”
To be assertive, it’s important to take responsibility for your thoughts and feelings by using “I” statements instead of starting with “you.” In making constructive requests, be positive and respectful in communication. Use polite phrases such as “please” and “thank you”. Try to avoid blame, criticism, and judgement. Instead, focus on the good!
Now you’ve had your say, what does it then mean to be on the other side? Learn about active listening next week.
If you and your partner ever feel overwhelmed by your results or the ensuing discussion, we encourage you to seek out professional support. Call us.
Consider taking an assessment or working through our Discussion Guide for Couples… that’s a great place start! Tune in for more tips next week.
Do you need help with an issue or problem? Our approach helps to generate deep and productive conversations that couples would not otherwise have about their relationship. These conversations can restore insight and understanding about one another.
More tips at www.couplecheckup.com.au, tune in next week…
Take the Couple Checkup Simply click on the Register button below relevant to your relationship – it couldn’t be easier. Once you have finished the questions you should receive your comprehensive personalised report in about 30 seconds.
The CoupleCheckup generates deep and productive conversations that couples would not otherwise have about their relationship. These conversations restore insight and understanding about one another. The CoupleCheckup can help to revive a relationship and increase intimacy.
The CoupleCheckup is an online couple assessment based on the PREPARE/ENRICH couple inventories. The Checkup assessment and Checkup report are designed to go directly to couples at any stage of their relationship (dating, engaged or married). The online system allows for dynamic customization of the assessment to each couple based on how the couple answers background questions. The goal is for the CoupleCheckup to reach a more diverse group of couples, to empower couples to deal with issues on their own and to emphasize prevention over remediation.