There are two skills that will help shape a positive environment for communication in your relationship: assertiveness and active listening.
The process of active listening lets the speaker know if their message was accurately received. It’s imperative for the listener to acknowledge the content and the feelings of the speaker. Acknowledge content AND the feelings of the speaker. The active listening process lets the sender know whether or not the message they sent was clearly understood by having the listener restate what they heard.
Active listening is listening attentively without interrupting and restating what was heard.
Examples of Active Listening:
“I heard you say you are feeling ‘out of balance’, and enjoyed the time we spend together but that you also need more time to be with your friends… and you want to plan a time to talk about this.”
“If I understand what you said, you are concerned because you want to go skiing next winter. But you think I would rather to go to the beach. Is that correct?”
When each person knows what the other person feels and wants (assertiveness) and when each knows they have been heard and understood (active listening), intimacy is increased. These two communication skills can help you grow closer as a couple.
When communicating with your partner, try to avoid blame, criticism, and judgement. Instead, focus on the good!
If you and your partner ever feel overwhelmed by your results or the ensuing discussion, we encourage you to seek out professional support. Call us.
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The CoupleCheckup generates deep and productive conversations that couples would not otherwise have about their relationship. These conversations restore insight and understanding about one another. The CoupleCheckup can help to revive a relationship and increase intimacy.
The CoupleCheckup is an online couple assessment based on the PREPARE/ENRICH couple inventories. The Checkup assessment and Checkup report are designed to go directly to couples at any stage of their relationship (dating, engaged or married). The online system allows for dynamic customization of the assessment to each couple based on how the couple answers background questions. The goal is for the CoupleCheckup to reach a more diverse group of couples, to empower couples to deal with issues on their own and to emphasize prevention over remediation.