Daily Compliments help you focus on the positive things you like about each other. Every day give your partner at least one genuine compliment. These can be general (“you are fun to be with”) or specific (“I appreciate that you were on time for the concert”).
Communicate techniques to increase intimacy:
- Give full attention to your partner when talking. Turn off the phone, shut off the television, make eye contact.
- Focus on the good qualities in each other and often praise each other.
- Be assertive. Share your thoughts, feelings, and needs. A good way to be assertive without being critical is to use “I” rather than “You” statements. (e.g. “I worry when you don’t let me know you’ll be late” rather than “You are always late”).
- Avoid criticism. If you must criticize, balance it with at least one positive comment. (e.g.“I appreciate how you take the trash out each week. In the future can you remember to also wheel the trash can back from the end of the driveway?” ) .
- Listen to understand, not to judge.
- Use active listening. Summarize your partner’s comments before sharing your own reactions or feelings.
- Avoid blaming each other and work together for a solution.
- Use the Ten Steps approach. For problems that come up again and again, use the Ten Steps for Resolving Couple Conflict.
- Seek counselling. If you are not able to resolve issues, seek counseling before they become more serious.
Consider the Couple Checkup, a tool designed to help you and your partner build a more satisfying and intimate relationship. The Couple Checkup evaluates up to 25 important areas in a couple’s relationship including: couple and family systems, personality and age and stage of relationship.
Adapted from www.prepare-enrich.com.au, the Couple Checkup evaluates important areas in a couple’s relationship including eight core scales (i.e. communication, conflict resolution, role relationship and sexual relationship), four couple and family system scales (closeness and flexibility), five personality scales (based on the Big Five Personality Scales), and between four and eight specific scales relevant to the age and stage of the couple based on background questions ( i.e. cohabiting, children from previous relationship, and intergenerational issues).
The Couple Checkup generates deep and productive conversations that couples would not otherwise have about their relationship. These conversations restore insight and understanding about one another. The Couple Checkup can help to revive a relationship and increase intimacy.
The Couple Checkup is an online couple assessment based on the PREPARE/ENRICH couple inventories. The Checkup assessment and Checkup report are designed to go directly to couples at any stage of their relationship (dating, engaged or married). The online system allows for dynamic customization of the assessment to each couple based on how the couple answers background questions.
The goal is for the Couple Checkup to reach a more diverse group of couples, to empower couples to deal with issues on their own and to emphasize prevention over remediation.
For more information on the use and analysis of the Couple Checkup or to simply use the tool, please contact: www.couplecheckup.com.au or call today (02) 9520 4049 #couplecheckup #relationship