Often our extended families can have a significant impact on our relationship and in some cases completely dominate it. Having a shared understanding of the role of your extended families is crucial for the long-term success of your relationship. Establishing boundaries and ensuring appropriate time with and time without others is important – and sticking to these shared rules is mandatory.
Finances, Work (in and out of the house), Sex, In Laws and Children are the five big areas that dominate conflict in most relationships. Ensuring timely and open communication and pragmatic approaches to discussing issues that arise will ensure our relationship is sustained for the long-term.
3. In Laws:
If much of the conflict that occurs in your relationship arises out of conflicting expectations, uncover them and discuss a solution. Define your family tree and discuss the various relationships. Work towards a shared understanding of how and when these interactions will take place.
Additionally, conflicting ‘role’ expectations is another of potential conflict that we bring into our marriage from our family of origin.
List your household tasks and the allocation that occurred in your family of origin, discuss those assumptions and rescript an approach that works for your marriage. Understand that there are ingrained assumptions etched into out brains – who did what and when.
The challenge here is to uncover those assumptions and rescript an approach that works for your marriage. Remain open to change and decide an approach that is balanced for both you and your partner.
Discuss family, those interactions and feelings regularly (weekly). Debrief every family occasion and family holiday. Keep the lines if communication open and support your partner. The ties of family are often deep. Work with your partner and ensure they are number one.
All Relationships including those with your spouse and children (and others) tend towards entropy, disorder and dissolution. Marriage and divorces can be disastrous for those concerned, especially for children. Being intentional and principle centred can revitalise and enrich your marriage, ensuring your marriage is sustained and endures.
More tips at www.couplecheckup.com.au, tune in next week…
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