If you are the person that feels you are doing all the work and you end up feeling tired and exhausted at the end of everyday, its time to review your role.
Whether producer, manager or leader, understand your role and ascertain whether this is the best role for you. Perhaps moving from producer to a manager who delegates, trains and guides your family is best for you and your family. Or even as a leader who provides direction and vision, through love and inspiration will work best. Reconsidering and reshaping your roles takes thought and intentional action.
Adapted from the late Stephen R. Coveys book, Principle Centred Leadership, the following 8 ways to Enrich Marriage and Family Relationships provides a guide to principles that are important to marriage. Each principle requires reflection, discussion and action.
These eight principles help to make marriage last:
- Principle 3 – Reconsider your roles:
- Producer, manager or leader. Producer does the work and ends up tired and exhausted. The manager delegates, trains, communicates and compensates. The leader’s role is to provide direction through modelling and vision, to motivate through love and inspiration, to build complementary teams based on mutual respect.
- To be effective, we need to recognize the importance of balance and taking time to regularly refine and give attention to the following four areas in our lives: 1. Physical; 2. Intellectual; 3. Social and 4. Spiritual. The late Stephen Covey suggests consistent and continued refinement and attention to all four areas is crucial. Attempting to balance exercise, nutrition and stress management (physical); by reading, visualising, planning and writing (Intellectual); focusing on clarifying values and our commitment, dedicating time to study, our faith and/or meditation (Spiritual); and through our service, being empathic, being synergistic and ensuring security (Social), will make a significant difference.
- Within the house, the demands can be consuming. A practical approach is to list all you weekly household tasks and allocate ownership for each. Many of our expectations about task allocation will be based on our family of origin and who undertook certain tasks in our childhood. Discuss the task allocation that occurred in your family of origin and understand that there are ingrained assumptions etched into out brains – who did what and when.
This principle requires reflection, discussion and action. Reconsider and reshape your roles and take time out to discuss with your family, friends and colleagues and take intentional steps to readjust your roles. Be intentional, make it happen.
Principle four, next week…
Marriage and Relationship Education is a learning opportunity, much like you would do in any other important life event. Check out the new video for couples on YouTube: https://youtu.be/xyuUl-JnIhM
Tune in next week for more relationship tips and ideas.
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