Maintain good eye contact, use “I” statements, identify feelings, and use active listening.
You can try to avoid conflict by tamping down negative emotions and brushing seemingly minor issues under the rug, but at some point, they will come back to bite you. Many times this is in the form of a blowup that is completely disproportional to whatever seemed to trigger it. You end up fighting not only about the topic at hand but ten other previously unaddressed issues as well.
As uncomfortable as it can be, the best way to avoid this situation and grow as a couple is to deal with issues as they occur. Studies have shown that it is not whether a couple fights that predicts divorce, but how they fight.
Here are some tips for fighting respectfully and making an argument an opportunity for growth and resolution:
- 4. Exercise good communication skills:
- Be present, truly engage and give your partner your undivided attention. Try this: Sit face to face, look into their eyes, hold hands and connect. Don’t Interrupt. Listen to what your partner is saying with a goal to understand. Ask questions and avoid statements or opinions. Focus your attention and your soul. Truly engage.
- Do whatever it takes to clear your head of any external influence so that when you are with them you are fully focused and available to them only.
You might be surprised by the increased sense of connection and intimacy in your relationship after working through an issue by “fighting fair”. Conflict can be constructive!
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The Couple Checkup generates deep and productive conversations that couples would not otherwise have about their relationship. These conversations restore insight and understanding about one another. The Couple Checkup can help to revive a relationship and increase intimacy.
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Source: PREPARE/ENRICH Blog: https://blog.prepare-enrich.com/p