Avoid name-calling or hurtful words that you may regret later. Hurling insults is likely to move your partner to be defensive and potentially create lasting wounds.
You can try to avoid conflict by tamping down negative emotions and brushing seemingly minor issues under the rug, but at some point, they will come back to bite you. Many times this is in the form of a blowup that is completely disproportional to whatever seemed to trigger it. You end up fighting not only about the topic at hand but ten other previously unaddressed issues as well.
As uncomfortable as it can be, the best way to avoid this situation and grow as a couple is to deal with issues as they occur. Studies have shown that it is not whether a couple fights that predicts divorce, but how they fight.
Here are some tips for fighting respectfully and making an argument an opportunity for growth and resolution:
2. Say it respectfully. Listen and speak in a way that does not engender defensiveness but instead fosters healthy discussion. “Praise and admiration” are the best weapons to keep negative thoughts at bay. Empathise. Realize that your partners anger might be an effort to get your attention. Adopt a receptive body posture and an open facial expression. Limit yourself to a specific complaint rather than a multitude of criticisms.
You might be surprised by the increased sense of connection and intimacy in your relationship after working through an issue by “fighting fair”. Conflict can be constructive!
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Source: PREPARE/ENRICH Blog: https://blog.prepare-enrich.com/