Having an argument does not mean that your relationship is in trouble. By listening and speaking in a non-defensive fashion, avoiding criticism you can help foster healthy discussion.
Disagreements and differences are an inevitable part of life but by speaking non-defensively, this positive posture will benefit your relationship.
The following four strategies from relationship guru John Gottman will help you break patterns of negativity and take a positive approach to solving problems:
- 2. Speak non-defensively: Listen and speak in a way that does not engender defensiveness but, instead, fosters healthy discussion. “Praise and admiration” are the best weapons to keep negative thoughts at bay.
- Empathise. Realize that your partners anger might be an effort to get your attention. Adopt a receptive body posture and an open facial expression. Limit yourself to a specific complaint rather than a multitude of criticisms.
- Try these approaches:
- Remove the blame from your comments
- Say how you feel
- Don’t criticize your partner’s personality
- Don’t insult, mock or use sarcasm.
- Be direct
- Don’t mind-read.
Tip three, next week…
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