The 5 big areas for conflict in relationships: In Laws

Often our extended families can have a significant impact on our relationship and in some cases completely dominate it. Having a shared understanding of the role of your extended families is crucial for the long-term success of your relationship. Establishing boundaries and ensuring appropriate time with and time without others is important – and sticking to these shared rules is mandatory.

Finances, Work (in and out of the house), Sex, In Laws and Children are the five big areas that dominate conflict in most relationships. Ensuring timely and open communication and pragmatic approaches to discussing issues that arise will ensure our relationship is sustained for the long-term.

All Relationships including those with your spouse and children (and others) tend towards entropy, disorder and dissolution. Marriage and divorces can be disastrous for those concerned, especially for children. Being intentional and principle centred can revitalise and enrich your marriage, ensuring your marriage is sustained and endures.

This series of blog posts explores each of the five big areas for conflict in relationships, emphasising that by taking intentional steps to discuss and resolve these issues, they will have a lasting effect.

    5. In Laws:

    If much of the conflict that occurs in your relationship arises out of conflicting expectations, uncover them and discuss a solution. Define your family tree and discuss the various relationships. Work towards a shared understanding of how and when these interactions will take place.

    Additionally, conflicting ‘role’ expectations is another of potential conflict that we bring into our marriage from our family of origin. List your household tasks and the allocation that occurred in your family of origin, discuss those assumptions and rescript an approach that works for your marriage. Understand that there are ingrained assumptions etched into out brains – who did what and when. The challenge here is to uncover those assumptions and rescript an approach that works for your marriage. Remain open to change and decide an approach that is balanced for both you and your partner.

    Discuss family, those interactions and feelings regularly (weekly). Debrief every family occasion and family holiday. Keep the lines if communication open and support your partner. The ties of family are often deep. Work with your partner and ensure they are number one.

The Couple Checkup generates deep and productive conversations that couples would not otherwise have about their relationship.  These conversations restore insight and understanding about one another.  The Couple Checkup can help to revive a relationship and increase intimacy. 

The Couple Checkup is an online couple assessment based on the PREPARE/ENRICH couple inventories. The Checkup assessment and Checkup report are designed to go directly to couples at any stage of their relationship (dating, engaged or married). The online system allows for dynamic customization of the assessment to each couple based on how the couple answers background questions. The goal is for the Couple Checkup to reach a more diverse group of couples, to empower couples to deal with issues on their own and to emphasize prevention over remediation.


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